Today has been a little hectic to say the least. We have a print assignment for photography that requires us to print 1-3 photos inspired by Vivian Maier, Sally Mann, or Diane Arbus, none of which did I find that inspiring. Printing the photos adds a whole new challenge and a short time frame does not help. On top of this I spent two hours today helping Hannah with her camera which decided to stop working. So tonight I was in a rush to get photos. I walked all over downtown and came across this. This open Chinese restaurant devoid of life except the two employees, like the rest of the town tonight. Tomorrow will be interesting when I turn my work in.
I really love cities. I have loved them for a very long time. I remember how amazing it was to go downtown when I was little. I never got to go very often and when I did, I was fascinated with everything. I loved the buildings, the lights, the people. They still fascinate me today. I love walking this cities streets. I love the contradictions, dangers, stories and life of this city. How quickly it changes. One minute there are crowds, the next it is deserted. It changes as quickly as the setting sun.
This sign is part of an art installation at the 100 Acres. There are these little signs scattered everywhere throughout the park pointing out different things. Some are as simple as Tuft of Grass and Look Here to Gradual Erosion and Ephemerals. I love these signs. They connect art and nature, each complementing and giving meaning to the other.
Every now and then I get in weird moods where I want to be alone, with time to think and breathe and walk. Sometimes I’m sad in these moods other times I just want to think. So I drive, look at books, go to parks, and walk through the woods. Breathing in cleaner air. Stepping away from people and into what we came from. Thinking and breathing in and out, in and out.
Its not very often I shoot and I’m not happy with anything I see or shoot. Tonight was one of those days. What I saw with my naked eye was not what I captured with my lens. The frustration and anxiety behind the is something hard for others to understand. Its like suffocating. I took a quick break and chatted with my brother Nick, trying to clear my ‘spider web’ like mind and shattering heart.
I hit a lonely back road. The sun was nearly melted into the horizon and dusk was approaching on my left. I got out of my truck, lights off, and set up my tri pod to shoot the sky. A road that’s driven maybe a handful of times a week. Rarely ever at night and of course a car turns down this road…..and drives in front of my lens. I thought to myself angrily, ‘Thanks for ruining my shot!!’
This photo was the outcome. I wouldn’t say ruined, rather just what I needed at that moment!
The quote reads, “The only bars around your heart are the ones you planted yourself. Bend the bars and break out of the prison you have built.” (Tyler Knott Gregson)
This particular quote stopped me. I’m guilty of this. A lot of us are. After putting yourself out there so many times, you eventually stop. Some of us will never bend the bars. Some of us will use them as safety only causing silent isolation. What a lonely place that will be for you.
I’ve been feeling uneasy the past couple days. Usually its an easy fix with a country drive, few sunset photos & ramen noodles. This time is different. I can’t seem to shake it no matter how many hours I spend driving or sitting outside in the night air. I’m certain it’ll work itself out, whatever it is.
Shot out there somewhere, windows down, music up & mind full of useless confusing thoughts.
A good portion of today was spent driving. I had nothing to do today and no really to see. So I drove. I drove down twisting country roads, kicking up dust, speeding past farms and blaring music. I thought about a lot of stuff, daydreamed, and cleared my head. Some days I hate driving. And other days I love it. Today was one of those days. I like to explore, I like having the road to myself, I like my music and I like my alone time.
Shot in rural Hendricks County
It’s interesting how a queen size bed once seemed just right for me and now it’s too big. It now feels empty when I lay in it and the pillow next to mine is empty. When her head isn’t resting on it. It feels empty when I don’t feel her next to me. We’ll be apart a lot this summer with work and her being an hour away. It’s weird how about six months ago it was hard to share a bed with her and now it’s beginning to be odd if we aren’t in the same bed. So tonight I fall asleep with the pillow next to me empty, wishing it wasn’t.