Today was like yesterday. Still the need to think and be removed. Recently I argued with someone about religion and it wasn’t fun at all. I know everyone is upset with me because of what I believe in. I doubt that it will ever change. But they are my beliefs. I am entitled to them. They are not hasty or born out of anger. Yes I have been angry before and I have been hurt. But my beliefs come from my reasoning and my search for truth. And yes, maybe they will change. But for now this is what they are. All I ask is respect for them. Aside from this, in the argument spirituality was discussed and I most definitely believe that I can and anyone can be spiritual without god. Today I sat in a woods next to a stream and watched leaves float by and listened to the wind and the trees. And I connected to nature on a deeper or higher level than the mere physical. It was quiet and simple. It was honest and pure and beautiful. There were things to be listened to and learned. Some may say that it is god speaking. But I say it is nature itself speaking and connecting. Reaching out. And I am spiritual no less than any Christian or Muslim or Hindu or any religious person. Maybe this whole example means nothing to you who read it. But to me, it means so much.
“Well, I know that I’ve messed up more than a time or two. I’ve lied like hell, I’ve done it well and I’ve got the scars to prove.”
Today was pretty intense mentally & emotionally for me. I was able to have a long overdue conversation with a dear friend. A conversation that made sense in so many ways and filled in some gaps.
I’ve struggled with faith for some time now. I was born Lutheran and then confirmed Catholic. My parents raised me to attend church every Sunday and even attend Bible school. I never got much out of it. Was it because I was forced to attend? I wasn’t ready to attend? I didn’t understand the capacity of it? Now as an adult I’ve watched religion tear my family apart and be responsible for an unaccounted number of deaths throughout the world. Such a fine subject to dance around. Speaking with another friend, TJ, about this brought tears to my eyes. I’m not going to state my beliefs, or which is right or wrong. I doubt this is what Jesus had in mind though. I’m thankful for moments like these, as hard as they are.