For Christmas I decided to make a painting for Hannah in the style that she does most of her drawings in. It’s not an easy style for me, but I attempted it anyway. I started with some drawings and then decided on this floral design. It was fun to try and draw in her style and add my own touch as it went along.
Today it arrived, 8 years 5 months & 5 days. I guess I always assumed that the headstone would make it hurt more. Finalize things. The truth of it though, it brought some much needed, long overdue peace.
I’m not sure how to explain it in words. I never questioned when his parents would have it or what would be on it. The realization of it all came on my birthday. Then I was shown the rough draft and cried. Cried because of the meaning. The existence behind something that had been missing.
Momma Lynch text me today saying it had arrived, and with the text she sent pictures. I cried. I couldn’t breathe. Not from sadness but from the overwhelming feeling of comfort. Obviously I finished what I was in the middle of doing and headed to the cemetery. It was more beautiful in person. Artistically amazing, just as he was. The two circles on the bottom corners are medals that his family was given after donating to save others. ❤ The back, among other items, holds two beautiful pieces left longer than any life or memory. The top left corner holds my exact turtle tattoo. His mom says when he left he took a part of me. The bottom right corner says 'Love, Jordan', my most favorite thing ever. It's traced so it's his handwriting. Signed almost to insinuate this is the end.
His parents and brother did an amazing job putting something together that no family should have to do for a child or younger sibling.
I love you guys to the moon & back and I'm more than certain he wouldn't change a thing on it if given the opportunity.
40,000 Americans die yearly by suicide, making it the 10th leading cause of death. Every 13.3 seconds someone takes their own life, leaving those who love them to live in a whirlwind of confusion, depression and a life without closure.
I love drawing. I’ve done it for as long as I can remember. I think I’m decent at it. It can be challenging at times but it’s fun. It’s fun to create something or to recreate something. To test your skill or just be creative. The lines are faint in this drawing as I continue to work on it. It’s unfinished but it’s slowly unfolding into a more substantial image.
Every now and then I will have scenes, ideas or images pop up in my mind. A lot of times they just pass or they really aren’t worth putting effort into developing. And then there are others that I really want to make a reality or they refuse to be ignored. Today for the first time I had a story idea and image come up together. They went hand in hand. So I sketched out the image in my head and started writing. I didn’t work for very long but it was nice to be doing something creative like that again. I never have time for stuff like this anymore. So being able to just draw and write was very nice tonight.
This is where it all started. In Fisher Hall. On our last day of our Freshman year we went to Fisher Hall before we left. This is where we met. We were taking Basic Drawing together in the first semester. I had seen her only one other time, at out orientation. I thought she was beautiful when I saw her, but I just figured I probably wouldn’t see her again and I didn’t stand a chance with her. So I was really excited when I saw her on my first day of that class. This is where we first talked to each other. This is where we stood watching the rain come down in sheets one day and I offered to walk her back to her dorm, all the way on the other side of campus, in the pouring rain under my umbrella. I got soaked walking her back, but it was unbelievably worth it. Because it was me walking her back in the rain that gave me a chance. And here we are almost six months later in the place where it all started.
It’s been interesting to see this pattern I’ve been working on develop. How it has gone from one stage to another. Now color has been added. It’s crazy how color changes things. It adds a whole different feel to the pattern. It’s more alive. Black, white and gray are all great and can be very powerful and very beautiful, but color is just as powerful. It presents so many moods, emotions, states, and temperatures. It’s complex, confusing and it can pull you in all sorts of directions and have so many effects. It’s changes this repeat pattern into something a little more. Color can be difficult and a lot of times I hate working with it. But other times it’s amazing and powerful and it can convey a message so well.
A pencil, a ruler, and 896 1/4th inch squares = calm. When I was learning to cope with my anxiety and panic attacks, one of the ways they told me to get out of them was to do a repetitive task. Something mindless task that I had to focus on. Something to get my mind off what I was panicking about. And it works. I don’t know why, but it calms me down. I don’t hardly ever have panic attacks now, but doing this still calms me down. Stress, fatigue and anger just piled up tonight, and I had to get out of it. A long week, too many tests, a new job and being pissed off are not a good combination. And I know I have a temper. I know my weaknesses. So I sat down, and 896 1/4th inch squares later, I was calm.