This year has been a full one. There has been a lot of great moments and some not so great ones. There has been a lot of change. I fell crazy deep in love with a wonderful person. I finished my freshman year of college and moved into my sophomore year. I had a ton of new experiences like going to Gary for the first time, riding a Ferris Wheel, getting fired from a job, getting in a car accident, getting pulled over for the first time, running into a Sheriff because I was trespassing (he was very nice), getting my first tattoo, smoking for the first time, changing my major and my first car died in the parking lot of a gas station. I did a lot of exploring, driving, thinking and saw a lot of new places. I made my first road trip and I saw the Atlantic Ocean for the first time. I got over some really rough thoughts and decided that living was better than dying. I got better at taking photos and also decided that photography was not what I wanted to do for a living. I met new people, including Austrian royalty, and made some new friends. I switched jobs a few times and learned a lot about work and how it plays into life. My mom moved and we said goodbye to a house that had been home for nearly seven years. I read a lot and wrote a lot. I wrote some good stuff and some not so good stuff. I got some good grades and some bad ones. I got into arguments and got a lot better at saying sorry and making up. I learned a lot about myself and how I work. I learned how to express myself, how to deal with some of my issues, how to apologize, how to stand up for myself, and how to listen. Like I said it has been a year of change, growth and new experiences. I sit here and look forward to another year of new experiences, new places, and new people. I see a year of challenges, new memories to be made and new things to discover not only about the world but about myself. This challenge has been a good one. It has definitely been a challenge. I have loved it and hated it. Now it’s finished and I’m glad I did it and finished it. So here’s to a great year filled with great times and great challenges.
Today it arrived, 8 years 5 months & 5 days. I guess I always assumed that the headstone would make it hurt more. Finalize things. The truth of it though, it brought some much needed, long overdue peace.
I’m not sure how to explain it in words. I never questioned when his parents would have it or what would be on it. The realization of it all came on my birthday. Then I was shown the rough draft and cried. Cried because of the meaning. The existence behind something that had been missing.
Momma Lynch text me today saying it had arrived, and with the text she sent pictures. I cried. I couldn’t breathe. Not from sadness but from the overwhelming feeling of comfort. Obviously I finished what I was in the middle of doing and headed to the cemetery. It was more beautiful in person. Artistically amazing, just as he was. The two circles on the bottom corners are medals that his family was given after donating to save others. ❤ The back, among other items, holds two beautiful pieces left longer than any life or memory. The top left corner holds my exact turtle tattoo. His mom says when he left he took a part of me. The bottom right corner says 'Love, Jordan', my most favorite thing ever. It's traced so it's his handwriting. Signed almost to insinuate this is the end.
His parents and brother did an amazing job putting something together that no family should have to do for a child or younger sibling.
I love you guys to the moon & back and I'm more than certain he wouldn't change a thing on it if given the opportunity.
40,000 Americans die yearly by suicide, making it the 10th leading cause of death. Every 13.3 seconds someone takes their own life, leaving those who love them to live in a whirlwind of confusion, depression and a life without closure.
I want to give a huge shout to all the farmers!! Thank you!! The hours you put in, the physical labor you do. We don’t see all that is put into making sure there is successful crop & livestock growth for food and raw materials.
I’ve always enjoyed living in the country. The smell, the farms, the old barns, the cattle & horses. I love when the farmers harvest the fields this time of year! The smell of fresh soil, beans & corn.
The bulk of corn that is produced today is not for food production but more everyday items such as plastic, batteries, cosmetics, cough syrup & diapers to name a few. Most soybeans are processed for their oil as well as protein for the livestock feed industry, however they are also used for human consumption.
Next time you find yourself pissed off behind a tractor or semi, perhaps you should wave in thanks for all they do rather than speeding by in frustration.
I love this road. The secluded location of it is comforting. Its not a named road, rather a numbered road followed with a direction, east or west. It winds just as curvy as the creek its paved next to. An old private cemetery sits atop a hill with a single tree that watches the sun set on the back of the headstones.
The brick in this photo is that of an old school that is still partially standing, off a road where I’ve driven the pavement thin. Standing tall in the golden sunlight, this beautiful single flower. Growing among falling bricks & crumbling memories. Perfect within imperfections.
Reminder that what was will never be. Its up to us to see the beauty.
‘Go find a new rose, don’t be afraid of thorns, cause we all have thorns.’
Roses. I’ve never been a fan. I’m not sure why. Maybe the lack of uniqueness they have, or the popularity they live in. Any rate, they have a beautiful vibrant floral look. Classy & strong. The thorns, they are hidden. Hidden beneath the beauty and strength in a world where they are already considered beautifully perfect. We use roses to symbolize love and beauty. Its all too obvious why.
I find it more common than not that we share what we are often afraid to disclose about our self, with those close to us.
We don’t disclose our darkest of demons because we live in fear of judgement, betrayal, loss of respect, even if those demons are ones we didn’t create. Being trapped in your own personal hell of thoughts & emotions will slowly kill what makes you you.
Listening to someone share their thoughts, someone I thought I knew. Seeing someone I care about be so vulnerable. Hurt so badly. Crying with them, not because of their tears but because I could feel the pain in their heart. Their mind. It was just as real to me as it was to them. I wonder how things would be different between us had we gone ‘demon hunting’ together.
I don’t know that I’ve ever hurt for someone the way I hurt for you. Seeing your pain. This changes nothing, other than making sense of some things. I also happen to love fishing especially with a Snoopy fishing pole!!
I’ll never be able to give you those 10 seconds or more that you often dream of but I can promise you I can give you love & trust. Fear is only felt until you realize the love and trust are real.
Thank you for loving me enough to trust me.
The beauty in life that’s been without damage.
The strength and growth.
Most of us, in some way, we are damaged. Be it as small as learning Santa isn’t real or as big as a traumatic loss of someone you love. We at some point have to realize these events make us stronger. We can drown in the sorrow or find strength in the pain. We grow. Nothing is easy. If it is, its more than likely not with it. The trouble you overcome in life is what makes your story different from others.
Stand tall. Chalk up your defeats. Own your losses. Smile. Always, and I mean always, take the time.
I’m not one big on receiving flowers, as they die, become a mess and the water is gross to clean up. However, in nature, where they should be I find them beautifully captivating. How they grow, what they grow around, how they grow in seasons, the contrast they hold against the earth and sky & those that come back every year. Daisy’s are my favorite. So simple. So delicate. So beautiful. So natural.