So for my photography class we had to do a final project. I decided to do something that was a little challenging to shoot and was logistically impossible. Shoot portraits and various groupings of my whole immediate family at the same time all in one place. Some how the stars aligned and everyone was actually able to get together on the same day, at the same time, so I could shoot photos of them. This was the first and most likely the last that all of the people above have been in the same room together. But it worked and I got great shots of them all and everything turned out how I wanted it to and it wasn’t complete chaos. So thank you guys so much for taking the time to get together and get along with each other so I could get pictures of you all. Don’t worry you will be able to see the pictures soon.
P.S. Unfortunately the professor did not like the photos and complained about the lighting (which he set up himself), but I don’t care because I loved the photos and you guys were great!
I know, another random, out of place, photo. But it has meaning for today. Today we officially moved out of the house and into a new one. Today it was a little bit harder because it was official. Also the man who bought the house turned out to be real, pretentious, asshole who doesn’t deserve the place, but whatever. I ran across this photo recently. This is the view from my bedroom window, which I used to wake up to every morning. That sun shined on my bed every morning and occasionally the moon would light my room too. It has been the frame for a lot of photos. I have spent a lot of time looking, watching, dreaming, and thinking out this window. It’s a great view and I hope it will continue to be appreciated. I took one last look out that window today.
So I know this photo probably makes zero sense to those of you who are actually still around and still reading this. I have gotten far behind on posts and I have to be honest, I have not been taking photos every day like I should. That being said it has been incredibly busy lately with school, work, and trying to help Mom move to a new house. But I promise I will do better and I will finish this challenge. Some of the posts will be using old photos. But back to this photo, which is a year old, out of place and not my best. When I saw this photo tonight it meant a lot to me. This tree was a little pine tree that me and Abbie bought for Mom on Mother’s day for the house, because she so badly wanted a pine tree. One day it would get big enough to decorate. Well, it is still little but that year she decorated it and it looked really pretty, though small, out in the yard covered in snow. This tree made the house even more of a home. Today we moved out of that house, or at least started to, and moved elsewhere. And it was kinda hard. That place was our home for some six years or so. It was beautiful and it was full of so many memories, like this little tree. And it was not easy packing things up and moving out. But nothing is permanent in this life and things change. We move on and hold the memories of past homes with us. And this home was a great one.
I have never been one to wear gloves. Dirt, mud, dust, grime, oil, grease, blisters, splinters. They don’t bug me. I’m rough on my hands. They almost always have cuts or blisters and there are scars on them. At my job though I have started to wear gloves, mainly because I was getting splinters and smashing my hands too much. And in a week of wearing them I have worn holes in the leather. It’s amazing how quickly the gloves deteriorate and yet our hands stay healthy. They have an amazing ability to heal themselves. Wearing the gloves showed me how hard I am on my hands and how strong my hands are.
I currently work in the lumber yard at a home improvement store. It’s not the best work and it can be hard sometimes, but it’s a job. I spend the majority of my work day out in this barn stacking and sliding lumber. Today was a long day at work and I couldn’t get out of there quick enough, but hey, at least I like the smell of lumber. And my night after work made up for it all. I got to have dinner with my brother and we had a great time talking about pretty much everything and then I got to see my lovely girlfriend.
We all want to b a kid again. Back when things were simple. We didn’t have to do ‘adult things’. If we were raised right we had responsibility, but nothing could prepare us for what the future holds. In highschool I was said to have some of the most strict parents in town. I wasn’t allowed to call boys. No phone in my room. Boys certainly were NOT allowed upstairs. The list goes on. If I remember correctly I spent 3/4 of my highschool years grounded. I’m thankful for that. I respected my parents, just not as much as I should have.
Parents and children have such a bond that is irreplaceable. In belief that things go well, its a bond never to be broken. In the terrible event trust is lost early into the relationship, its often hard to fix and carry on.
Shot outside my house watching childhood memories.
Repetition is the act of something being repeated. Like this pattern above. Squares, circles and triangles being repeated seemingly infinitely. As I look at the pattern I think of my job. Box after countless box being sorted. Endless repetition. It’s monotonous. Especially when an entire semi-trailer is going to the same location. You stand in one spot for an hour and throw box after box onto a conveyor belt. The only thing that breaks the monotony is when boxes jam and pile up and everything is thrown into disorder. And I stand there and wonder why in the world I’m doing this. Working this hard, breaking my back and arms for not that much money. Because I have to. I’m grateful I have a job. But it feels so meaningless. Especially as the guy standing next to you, the one that’s been there for years, says “F*cking new people…They work so hard, thinking they can make a difference. They’re f*cking idiots.” Or the guy that tells you not to stay here because it will make you crazy, as he goes on to get in a screaming match with an unloader. But it’s a job that has to be done, and I need money. And there are countless other jobs being worked by countless other people just like me. Day after day after day.
Remember how I said everyone is an asshole. Well that applies to life too. Life itself is an asshole. It always seems like there’s something. There’s always something dragging you down. As soon as something good happens, something bad happens. Life kicks you in the balls, laughs in your face and then keeps kicking. Sorry if it sounds pessimistic, but it’s the truth. Life just piles and piles up on top of you, slowly crushing until you can’t move, can’t breathe, can’t do anything. Life, work, school, tests, grades, assignments, relationships. You get depressed, paralysed. Bad thoughts creep in. Thoughts of ending things. You don’t care if you’re alive or not. Everything seems insignificant. You just want to sleep and not wake up. You want to pass out just so things will stop for awhile. I and many others have felt this and thought these things. And it pisses me off. I guess I know I’m a little better because I’m angry. I feel something at least. I’m furious that life is this way. That life does this to people. That life tears you apart and then expects you to keep going like nothing happened. It’s not right. I’m furious and I want to punch life in the face. I want to fight back, but really what can I do? Nothing. So we stand up, brush the dirt off, and keep going, pretending that everything is okay and that we can do this.
Oh Chan….! I read your post and nearly lost it. I love you so much! I laugh at the fact we took the same photo of each other. Its perfect!
You’re right. Today was great! Something we both needed. I’m glad that I can be there, that you call/text me when you need something. The world can chew you up, spit you out, it can be easy or harder than hell, some days you’ll want to give up while other days you’ll laugh at the thought of giving in. No matter what, I’m here, I’ll always be here & never sell yourself short. Never regret anything. Your amazing. You’ll succeed and be wonderful.
Thank you for being my saving grace & role model. I love you!