It’s an interesting change from last year. Last year around this time I was single, on my own, and a freshman. Everything was new and different. I was also in a group of people that I should not have been involved with and who I thought were different people than what they actually were. And then I met her. It’s crazy how one person can change your life. And now I sit in a new room with her by my side as we read, and do homework and talk. And so many things have changed. I have nothing do to with those people, I’m crazy in love, Marian is like a second home, and the way I look at things has changed. I’ve been through a lot and grown, switched up jobs, been to new places and done new things. But by far the biggest and best change was meeting her and then falling in love with her.
Today Hannah told me to meet her at a park after I got off work. So I made my way to the park and then she arrived and told me she had a surprise. She set up the best little picnic for us. Basket, blanket, flowers, even a candle. We set up in the shade and ate some great food that she got and enjoyed the weather and the birds and each other. It was perfect and one of the cutest things she’s done.
This photo is not from today, but it carries with it some things I feel I should say. I’m just gonna go for it. I think we get to choose how we look at the world. We do not get to choose what happens to us and what life throws at us. Life is rough and it is dirty and mean and cold. It can get very shitty very quick. But it is also beautiful and warm and full of love and passion and goodness and ecstatic joy. I have known some extreme lows and some great highs. And I have learned a lot. I’m learning that we get to control how we perceive things. And that is powerful. We get to choose whether we will be happy or angry or sad or miserable. We all have bad days. I get it. I’ve had some bad days. Sometimes we just need a bad day. We choose it. We choose to be self-centered and feel low. We just do it sometimes. It’s not necessarily a bad thing. But all those other days. We get to look at them differently. We get to look at the joys and the beauty of this insane world around us. I went to the zoo and there were annoying, bratty little kids everywhere and stupid parents and unpleasant people. I could have let it ruin it for me. But no, I saw seals and birds and orangutans and fucking sharks and it was fun and I had a good day. It is to easy to have a bad day. It is so easy to get into that low, pitiful state. I know, because I did it all the time. I still do sometimes. But I have learned to look at things differently. There is a quote I am learning to take more and more to heart. It will be my final thought on this subject. It goes, “Stuff your eyes with wonder. Live as if you’d drop dead in ten seconds. See the world. It’s more fantastic than any dream made or paid for in factories.” Go see the world because, my god, we don’t have much time and I want to have more great days than bad ones at the end and I hope you do too.
On our date today we found this sculpture that was made up of hundreds of little blue plastic squares like this one that each had something written on them. Some were stupid, many were cliche, a few were funny, some made you think and then this one made me stop and take a picture. It reads “You know you’re in love when you can’t fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.” This quote is wonderfully true, at least for me. She really is better than dreams. And there have been so many times where we work to stay awake just so we can be together.
Being with Hannah, I get to witness the long process of a woman getting ready. Everything from picking the outfit, to doing her nails, doing her makeup, her hair, shoes, and jewelry. Normally I just get bored waiting for her to get ready, because I take 15 minutes and she takes an hour and a half. But today I saw what would make a good photograph and got to thinking. Say what you will, but you have to give women some credit for the amount of effort and time they put into looking their best. Men will never work that hard at their appearance. While I think she looks incredibly beautiful even after she just rolled out of bed, I definitely appreciate how hard she works at getting ready.
Another day spent in Indy. We went camera shopping, had dinner and watched the World Cup, took a walk along the Circle, ran into a friend, shot the skyline, went to a park, climbed up onto an old train bridge and shot the train as it crawled along it’s tracks. Another great day. New cameras. New shots. New memories. I love days like these and I look forward to the countless more that we’ll have together.
As soon as work was over, I got in my car and drove to Danville. It was a shitty day at work and I knew she was the only one that would make me feel better. I was stressed and tired and I had to see her. And she made me feel better. She made me cheered me up and made me happy. She’s always able to do that. Even when I was at my worst, she could still cheer me up. She makes me unbelievably happy and she makes me want to do my best to make her feel the same.
It’s interesting how a queen size bed once seemed just right for me and now it’s too big. It now feels empty when I lay in it and the pillow next to mine is empty. When her head isn’t resting on it. It feels empty when I don’t feel her next to me. We’ll be apart a lot this summer with work and her being an hour away. It’s weird how about six months ago it was hard to share a bed with her and now it’s beginning to be odd if we aren’t in the same bed. So tonight I fall asleep with the pillow next to me empty, wishing it wasn’t.
Today was an amazing day. This morning I set up a special scavenger hunt for Hannah. I hid clues around campus and across Indianapolis. The clues took her to places where we had special memories, like where we went on our first date. The final clue led her to a place she hadn’t ever been before; Marott Park. Hidden in a tree at the park was a note telling her 100 things I loved about her. I was also hiding there at the park, though she thought I was at work. When she got there and read the note I told her I loved her. I had to do it in a special way. I had to do some grand gesture to try and show her how much I loved her. Later that day she asked me how I knew I loved her. And I told her I knew I loved her because I would do anything for her. I know because I do all these little things for her that I wouldn’t do for anyone else. I know because when she’s sick, I take care of her and still kiss her, even though I hate being around sick people. I know because I’d drive miles and miles out of my way just to see her. I know because I love all of her little quirks. I know because of incredibly happy she makes me. I just knew. I love you Hannah.