Tonight Brandy sent me a video about why a person hated religion and instead just focused on god. It got me thinking. I agreed with many things he said. I personally have no religion nor do I believe in any god. I suppose there is the possibility of a superior force out there but I will continue on with my life perfectly alright without it. I have seen religion do some nasty things and I have watched things around me and they do not agree with the idea that there is a personal, good god. There are big evils you could point to that would help this point, but instead I point to the guilt, shame and anxiety that religion can cause. I point to how it divides families, prevents people from moving on and being happy, how it judges people, how it discriminates, how it puts people down and the violence it causes. And I point to the fear that it instills to control. Of course the idea of religion itself does not necessarily do this. It’s the people that do, I get it. But people are affected by ideas and ideologies and these are the results. This is what happens when people act on these ideas that they were taught. Of course there is good there too. But maybe we should take a look at our beliefs, at our religions and what they cause us to do. Challenge your beliefs and really look at the world around you and see what you find. You might be surprised.
This photo is not from today, but it carries with it some things I feel I should say. I’m just gonna go for it. I think we get to choose how we look at the world. We do not get to choose what happens to us and what life throws at us. Life is rough and it is dirty and mean and cold. It can get very shitty very quick. But it is also beautiful and warm and full of love and passion and goodness and ecstatic joy. I have known some extreme lows and some great highs. And I have learned a lot. I’m learning that we get to control how we perceive things. And that is powerful. We get to choose whether we will be happy or angry or sad or miserable. We all have bad days. I get it. I’ve had some bad days. Sometimes we just need a bad day. We choose it. We choose to be self-centered and feel low. We just do it sometimes. It’s not necessarily a bad thing. But all those other days. We get to look at them differently. We get to look at the joys and the beauty of this insane world around us. I went to the zoo and there were annoying, bratty little kids everywhere and stupid parents and unpleasant people. I could have let it ruin it for me. But no, I saw seals and birds and orangutans and fucking sharks and it was fun and I had a good day. It is to easy to have a bad day. It is so easy to get into that low, pitiful state. I know, because I did it all the time. I still do sometimes. But I have learned to look at things differently. There is a quote I am learning to take more and more to heart. It will be my final thought on this subject. It goes, “Stuff your eyes with wonder. Live as if you’d drop dead in ten seconds. See the world. It’s more fantastic than any dream made or paid for in factories.” Go see the world because, my god, we don’t have much time and I want to have more great days than bad ones at the end and I hope you do too.
I find it more common than not that we share what we are often afraid to disclose about our self, with those close to us.
We don’t disclose our darkest of demons because we live in fear of judgement, betrayal, loss of respect, even if those demons are ones we didn’t create. Being trapped in your own personal hell of thoughts & emotions will slowly kill what makes you you.
Listening to someone share their thoughts, someone I thought I knew. Seeing someone I care about be so vulnerable. Hurt so badly. Crying with them, not because of their tears but because I could feel the pain in their heart. Their mind. It was just as real to me as it was to them. I wonder how things would be different between us had we gone ‘demon hunting’ together.
I don’t know that I’ve ever hurt for someone the way I hurt for you. Seeing your pain. This changes nothing, other than making sense of some things. I also happen to love fishing especially with a Snoopy fishing pole!!
I’ll never be able to give you those 10 seconds or more that you often dream of but I can promise you I can give you love & trust. Fear is only felt until you realize the love and trust are real.
Thank you for loving me enough to trust me.
The beauty in life that’s been without damage.
The strength and growth.
Most of us, in some way, we are damaged. Be it as small as learning Santa isn’t real or as big as a traumatic loss of someone you love. We at some point have to realize these events make us stronger. We can drown in the sorrow or find strength in the pain. We grow. Nothing is easy. If it is, its more than likely not with it. The trouble you overcome in life is what makes your story different from others.
Stand tall. Chalk up your defeats. Own your losses. Smile. Always, and I mean always, take the time.
‘It took awhile for her to figure out that she could run, but when she did she was gone, long gone, long gone.’
I’ve always been pretty good at running. Figuratively and literally. Perhaps that’s why I love sunsets so much. It signifies an end. A new start, just hours away. A chance to run and start over.
Not all running is bad. I know that your ‘problems’ will follow no matter where you end up. However, sometimes leaving what is comfortable is the only way to find out what your limits are.
The quote I started with is from the song by Keith Urban, Stupid Boy.
If you want a happy ending, it depends on where you stop the story.
Chris Lynch. An amazing mother. A strong woman. Beautiful. Courageous. Hopeful. Supportive. Giving. Loving. Role model. We will always have a bond, that not even death can take away.
Chris lost her son Jordan 8years ago to suicide. Standing by her side, watching her cry, the pain she endures, the moments she wants to break down, yet all the love and compassion she still has to offer. Jordan’s friends call her Momma Lynch. They bring their children over to meet someone who was always a positive influence as they grew up. Jordan’s father still, to this day, coaches the local track team where Jordan attended school.
Amazing people with more to offer, cheated of so many experiences, yet finding ways to still give back and be a part.
I love them as they are my own set of parents. Thank you. For everything you’ve done for not just me, but all whose lives you’ve touched. For raising two boys. For enduring so much pain, yet still loving and laughing. For allowing me to be a part of your life. Be a part of who you are. I love you Chris & Keith Lynch ❤
Repetition is the act of something being repeated. Like this pattern above. Squares, circles and triangles being repeated seemingly infinitely. As I look at the pattern I think of my job. Box after countless box being sorted. Endless repetition. It’s monotonous. Especially when an entire semi-trailer is going to the same location. You stand in one spot for an hour and throw box after box onto a conveyor belt. The only thing that breaks the monotony is when boxes jam and pile up and everything is thrown into disorder. And I stand there and wonder why in the world I’m doing this. Working this hard, breaking my back and arms for not that much money. Because I have to. I’m grateful I have a job. But it feels so meaningless. Especially as the guy standing next to you, the one that’s been there for years, says “F*cking new people…They work so hard, thinking they can make a difference. They’re f*cking idiots.” Or the guy that tells you not to stay here because it will make you crazy, as he goes on to get in a screaming match with an unloader. But it’s a job that has to be done, and I need money. And there are countless other jobs being worked by countless other people just like me. Day after day after day.