Infatuation is described as an intense but short-lived passion or admiration for someone. Love? Love on the other hand is limitless. Unfortunately we cannot control how or when either happen. In my heart, I believe you know love. You feel love. You believe in that person, you trust in every part of them, regardless of the degree to which you love them. You want the best for them. You hurt when they do. You laugh when they do. You become emotionally involved. Most of that emotion & feeling is missing within the fury and excitement of infatuation. Love is a beautifully heart breaking part of life. When you fall it’s an amazing feeling, when your heart is broken its a shitty moment. Remember that. Remember how you felt during your highest of highs. Never forget how you truly believed the world was ending the first time your heart broke.
Tonight I was a little overconfident in myself. It’s been a long time since I’ve had a proper anxiety attack. But tonight I had one, in one of my trigger locations. I thought I would be fine, since it had been so long. I was wrong. I had an anxiety attack with all the sucky symptoms. It was frustrating, but it passed and I took some medicine to help. I wouldn’t call it a step back, just a reminder that it’s still there. I don’t think it will ever really go away. I just get better at knowing myself and how to take care of myself.
A pencil, a ruler, and 896 1/4th inch squares = calm. When I was learning to cope with my anxiety and panic attacks, one of the ways they told me to get out of them was to do a repetitive task. Something mindless task that I had to focus on. Something to get my mind off what I was panicking about. And it works. I don’t know why, but it calms me down. I don’t hardly ever have panic attacks now, but doing this still calms me down. Stress, fatigue and anger just piled up tonight, and I had to get out of it. A long week, too many tests, a new job and being pissed off are not a good combination. And I know I have a temper. I know my weaknesses. So I sat down, and 896 1/4th inch squares later, I was calm.