Brandy Day286: A New Kind Of Forever

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Today it arrived, 8 years 5 months & 5 days. I guess I always assumed that the headstone would make it hurt more. Finalize things. The truth of it though, it brought some much needed, long overdue peace.
I’m not sure how to explain it in words. I never questioned when his parents would have it or what would be on it. The realization of it all came on my birthday. Then I was shown the rough draft and cried. Cried because of the meaning. The existence behind something that had been missing.
Momma Lynch text me today saying it had arrived, and with the text she sent pictures. I cried. I couldn’t breathe. Not from sadness but from the overwhelming feeling of comfort. Obviously I finished what I was in the middle of doing and headed to the cemetery. It was more beautiful in person. Artistically amazing, just as he was. The two circles on the bottom corners are medals that his family was given after donating to save others. ❤ The back, among other items, holds two beautiful pieces left longer than any life or memory. The top left corner holds my exact turtle tattoo. His mom says when he left he took a part of me. The bottom right corner says 'Love, Jordan', my most favorite thing ever. It's traced so it's his handwriting. Signed almost to insinuate this is the end.
His parents and brother did an amazing job putting something together that no family should have to do for a child or younger sibling.
I love you guys to the moon & back and I'm more than certain he wouldn't change a thing on it if given the opportunity.
40,000 Americans die yearly by suicide, making it the 10th leading cause of death. Every 13.3 seconds someone takes their own life, leaving those who love them to live in a whirlwind of confusion, depression and a life without closure.

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Brandy Day238: Awkward Comfort

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Not sure why, but when things get hard, really really hard, I go here. The cemetery. Jordan was buried here 8 years ago. I wouldn’t say I ‘feel’ him here so I’m not sure why this is where I run. Its peaceful, quiet & soothing. After he first passed I would spend almost every night out here.  A few times I feel asleep, crying for him.  Willing to give anything to have him back. 
Today was a very hard day. Flooded with emotions & tears. Mostly because I miss him & his loyalty. His friendship & his love. His security. Feeling broken, leaving my heart buried.

Brandy Day230: Opposites Attract

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Red & green. Stop & go. Bright stars in the dark sky. What a day.
Chatting with a friend who turns out is more like me than I’d ever thought. For this opportunity I am so grateful. Yes, these are the same tracks I was just kicked off of ;-).
A quiet night on the tracks as the heavy fog began to set in, leaving a slight chill in the air.

Brandy Day100: Life

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Very little sleep, with a restless mind and heavy heart. I was up early for work, but early enough to catch the sunrise. Threw on a hoody, shoes & glasses and out I went. Sought out the nearest east facing field and watched. Wondering what today would hold. This is what I found.
Happiness, love, peace…life. Life happened right before me.

Chandler Day 33: Sleep

DSC01251 (3)Sleep is a wonderful thing. It’s the perfect escape. To be able to get away from everything and just sleep. Simple, peaceful, quiet rest. It’s healing and calming. Have you ever watched someone sleep? Even if it was just for a moment. Their face is serene. There’s no worry, no pain, no fear or sadness. Just peace. A sleeping person is a beautiful, honest, innocent thing. Sleep can be intimate too. Like when two people sleep together. It’s a beautiful thing. Two people together, holding each other in their arms, asleep. It’s nothing sexual. It’s affectionate, it’s loving, it’s tender.

Chandler Day 27: What Keeps Me Going

DSC01097 (2)Photography is my escape. It’s the one thing that keeps me sane. I don’t know what I would do without my camera. I know that no matter how shitty my day is, or however bad I’m feeling or how much drama I’m going through, I can grab my camera and escape. Like today. I felt down, the weather was awful, people tried to tell me how to live and tell me what was right and wrong, and the same bullshit drama I had hoped to escape came back. So I got in my car and I drove. I drove around the west side of Indy. And somehow I found train tracks and I was able to shoot them. And for a little bit I forgot. I forgot about the stress, the drama, the arguing, the cold and the depression and everything was good. It felt great. Shot on the west side of Indianapolis, IN.