I know, another random, out of place, photo. But it has meaning for today. Today we officially moved out of the house and into a new one. Today it was a little bit harder because it was official. Also the man who bought the house turned out to be real, pretentious, asshole who doesn’t deserve the place, but whatever. I ran across this photo recently. This is the view from my bedroom window, which I used to wake up to every morning. That sun shined on my bed every morning and occasionally the moon would light my room too. It has been the frame for a lot of photos. I have spent a lot of time looking, watching, dreaming, and thinking out this window. It’s a great view and I hope it will continue to be appreciated. I took one last look out that window today.
So I know this photo probably makes zero sense to those of you who are actually still around and still reading this. I have gotten far behind on posts and I have to be honest, I have not been taking photos every day like I should. That being said it has been incredibly busy lately with school, work, and trying to help Mom move to a new house. But I promise I will do better and I will finish this challenge. Some of the posts will be using old photos. But back to this photo, which is a year old, out of place and not my best. When I saw this photo tonight it meant a lot to me. This tree was a little pine tree that me and Abbie bought for Mom on Mother’s day for the house, because she so badly wanted a pine tree. One day it would get big enough to decorate. Well, it is still little but that year she decorated it and it looked really pretty, though small, out in the yard covered in snow. This tree made the house even more of a home. Today we moved out of that house, or at least started to, and moved elsewhere. And it was kinda hard. That place was our home for some six years or so. It was beautiful and it was full of so many memories, like this little tree. And it was not easy packing things up and moving out. But nothing is permanent in this life and things change. We move on and hold the memories of past homes with us. And this home was a great one.
Every now and then I get in weird moods where I want to be alone, with time to think and breathe and walk. Sometimes I’m sad in these moods other times I just want to think. So I drive, look at books, go to parks, and walk through the woods. Breathing in cleaner air. Stepping away from people and into what we came from. Thinking and breathing in and out, in and out.
Not sure why, but when things get hard, really really hard, I go here. The cemetery. Jordan was buried here 8 years ago. I wouldn’t say I ‘feel’ him here so I’m not sure why this is where I run. Its peaceful, quiet & soothing. After he first passed I would spend almost every night out here. A few times I feel asleep, crying for him. Willing to give anything to have him back.
Today was a very hard day. Flooded with emotions & tears. Mostly because I miss him & his loyalty. His friendship & his love. His security. Feeling broken, leaving my heart buried.
Today they tore down the Art Annex which was adjacent to Fisher Hall and part of the art department. I almost didn’t even notice it, but Hannah was getting great pictures of it and had me come over. So we shot some photos and watched them tear down the last remnants of the art department. Even though this building was old and somewhat run down, it was sad to see it go. It was the last bit of the old art program and it was quickly reduced to rubble, stuffed in a dumpster and trucked away. The area is now being bulldozed and awaits the gravel that will make it a parking lot.
Today I was back at Marian today for an interview and afterwards I thought I would see how Fisher Hall was. Early this year it had a fire and we were told it would be torn down this summer. And today was the day. I watched as an excavator tore apart this hall. And it was sad. This was where almost all of my classes were. This was where I spent my time and I learned the most and had the best professors and shot in my first studio setting late one night. It was where I walked a girl back to her dorm in torrential rain and it was where I fell in love with that girl. It was where I learned to communicate in another language. It was where I talked to the professor that made me decide to come here in the first place. This is literally where everything happened and started and now it’s gone and I can’t help but be sad about that.
I regret to inform you that my camera & I had an accident. However!!! Its on the mend and I will be back at it soon.
I feel so lost. Its like my child, my left arm, my other half. Its what I do. Its a part of me. I realize how much its a part of my heart.
Let’s just say ‘waterfall’ is not a literal term that should be used with Canon products….
It’s interesting how a queen size bed once seemed just right for me and now it’s too big. It now feels empty when I lay in it and the pillow next to mine is empty. When her head isn’t resting on it. It feels empty when I don’t feel her next to me. We’ll be apart a lot this summer with work and her being an hour away. It’s weird how about six months ago it was hard to share a bed with her and now it’s beginning to be odd if we aren’t in the same bed. So tonight I fall asleep with the pillow next to me empty, wishing it wasn’t.