Brandy Day286: A New Kind Of Forever

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Today it arrived, 8 years 5 months & 5 days. I guess I always assumed that the headstone would make it hurt more. Finalize things. The truth of it though, it brought some much needed, long overdue peace.
I’m not sure how to explain it in words. I never questioned when his parents would have it or what would be on it. The realization of it all came on my birthday. Then I was shown the rough draft and cried. Cried because of the meaning. The existence behind something that had been missing.
Momma Lynch text me today saying it had arrived, and with the text she sent pictures. I cried. I couldn’t breathe. Not from sadness but from the overwhelming feeling of comfort. Obviously I finished what I was in the middle of doing and headed to the cemetery. It was more beautiful in person. Artistically amazing, just as he was. The two circles on the bottom corners are medals that his family was given after donating to save others. ❤ The back, among other items, holds two beautiful pieces left longer than any life or memory. The top left corner holds my exact turtle tattoo. His mom says when he left he took a part of me. The bottom right corner says 'Love, Jordan', my most favorite thing ever. It's traced so it's his handwriting. Signed almost to insinuate this is the end.
His parents and brother did an amazing job putting something together that no family should have to do for a child or younger sibling.
I love you guys to the moon & back and I'm more than certain he wouldn't change a thing on it if given the opportunity.
40,000 Americans die yearly by suicide, making it the 10th leading cause of death. Every 13.3 seconds someone takes their own life, leaving those who love them to live in a whirlwind of confusion, depression and a life without closure.

Brandy Day128: Turtle Kisses <3

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Chris Lynch. An amazing mother. A strong woman. Beautiful. Courageous. Hopeful. Supportive. Giving. Loving. Role model. We will always have a bond, that not even death can take away.
Chris lost her son Jordan 8years ago to suicide. Standing by her side, watching her cry, the pain she endures, the moments she wants to break down, yet all the love and compassion she still has to offer. Jordan’s friends call her Momma Lynch. They bring their children over to meet someone who was always a positive influence as they grew up. Jordan’s father still, to this day, coaches the local track team where Jordan attended school.
Amazing people with more to offer, cheated of so many experiences, yet finding ways to still give back and be a part.
I love them as they are my own set of parents. Thank you. For everything you’ve done for not just me, but all whose lives you’ve touched. For raising two boys. For enduring so much pain, yet still loving and laughing. For allowing me to be a part of your life. Be a part of who you are. I love you Chris & Keith Lynch ❤

Chandler Day 92: Everything’s Okay (But Not Really)

fist photoRemember how I said everyone is an asshole. Well that applies to life too. Life itself is an asshole. It always seems like there’s something. There’s always something dragging you down. As soon as something good happens, something bad happens. Life kicks you in the balls, laughs in your face and then keeps kicking. Sorry if it sounds pessimistic, but it’s the truth. Life just piles and piles up on top of you, slowly crushing until you can’t move, can’t breathe, can’t do anything.  Life, work, school, tests, grades, assignments, relationships. You get depressed, paralysed. Bad thoughts creep in. Thoughts of ending things. You don’t care if you’re alive or not. Everything seems insignificant. You just want to sleep and not wake up. You want to pass out just so things will stop for awhile. I and many others have felt this and thought these things. And it pisses me off. I guess I know I’m a little better because I’m angry. I feel something at least. I’m furious that life is this way. That life does this to people. That life tears you apart and then expects you to keep going like nothing happened. It’s not right. I’m furious and I want to punch life in the face. I want to fight back, but really what can I do? Nothing. So we stand up, brush the dirt off, and keep going, pretending that everything is okay and that we can do this.