‘When you are in the final days of your life, what will you want? Will you hug that college degree in the walnut frame? Will you ask to be carried to the garage so you can sit in your car? Will you find comfort in rereading your financial statement? Of course not. What will matter then will be the people. If relationships will matter most then, shouldn’t they matter most now?’-Max Lucado
This is where I will begin again. I made a commitment with Chandler and I got away from that. I let ‘life’ get in the way and chipped away a small part of a very important relationship. I want to finish this. Not because I have to. Not because my ‘mommy sat me down spoke firmly to me’. I need to because Chan & I were in this together. In 19 years, Chandler has stood by my side and loved me unconditionally. Chandler has watched me fall and climb back up, never once judging me, but hurting for me because he loved me. I’m sorry I have let you down Chan! I love you bud ❤
Today it arrived, 8 years 5 months & 5 days. I guess I always assumed that the headstone would make it hurt more. Finalize things. The truth of it though, it brought some much needed, long overdue peace.
I’m not sure how to explain it in words. I never questioned when his parents would have it or what would be on it. The realization of it all came on my birthday. Then I was shown the rough draft and cried. Cried because of the meaning. The existence behind something that had been missing.
Momma Lynch text me today saying it had arrived, and with the text she sent pictures. I cried. I couldn’t breathe. Not from sadness but from the overwhelming feeling of comfort. Obviously I finished what I was in the middle of doing and headed to the cemetery. It was more beautiful in person. Artistically amazing, just as he was. The two circles on the bottom corners are medals that his family was given after donating to save others. ❤ The back, among other items, holds two beautiful pieces left longer than any life or memory. The top left corner holds my exact turtle tattoo. His mom says when he left he took a part of me. The bottom right corner says 'Love, Jordan', my most favorite thing ever. It's traced so it's his handwriting. Signed almost to insinuate this is the end.
His parents and brother did an amazing job putting something together that no family should have to do for a child or younger sibling.
I love you guys to the moon & back and I'm more than certain he wouldn't change a thing on it if given the opportunity.
40,000 Americans die yearly by suicide, making it the 10th leading cause of death. Every 13.3 seconds someone takes their own life, leaving those who love them to live in a whirlwind of confusion, depression and a life without closure.
“Well, I know that I’ve messed up more than a time or two. I’ve lied like hell, I’ve done it well and I’ve got the scars to prove.”
Today was pretty intense mentally & emotionally for me. I was able to have a long overdue conversation with a dear friend. A conversation that made sense in so many ways and filled in some gaps.
I’ve struggled with faith for some time now. I was born Lutheran and then confirmed Catholic. My parents raised me to attend church every Sunday and even attend Bible school. I never got much out of it. Was it because I was forced to attend? I wasn’t ready to attend? I didn’t understand the capacity of it? Now as an adult I’ve watched religion tear my family apart and be responsible for an unaccounted number of deaths throughout the world. Such a fine subject to dance around. Speaking with another friend, TJ, about this brought tears to my eyes. I’m not going to state my beliefs, or which is right or wrong. I doubt this is what Jesus had in mind though. I’m thankful for moments like these, as hard as they are.
This man. John Olvey. (Boston’s Papo) Where do I even begin. John has seen me at my highest of highs and lowest of lows. Hugged me while laughing and wiped my tears as they fell. He’s the definition of loyalty, honesty, love & faithfulness. If your blessed enough to be part of his family he would move mountains for you. If you’re not ‘in’, you better never hurt someone he loves. As one of my main support beams in an uneasy foundation, John has helped me through so much.
To say I owe him would be an understatement. I will never be able to repay this man for all the good he’s brought to my life. Everyday I am thankful that you play such a huge role in my life. I love you Gator.
Good Morning!!!! I can honestly say that sleeping in the back of my truck in the harbor for a few hours, waking up to such a beautiful sunrise was worth the ache my body endured. Woke up in time before … Continue reading →
How my Friday night ended. Joshua had reserved a seat for me. My seat, where I sit every Friday. With a cold beer. Cheese bites how I like them & a new KCCO tee.
Suppose that’s what a best friend is about. Having what you need when you need it. Knowing without telling.
Thanks for being my idiot.
Driving down State Road 19 when I had to stop and turn around to grab this photo. No truer words have been shared.
Live everyday fully. Tomorrow is not yours. Cherish every moment as though it will never present itself again. I’m not saying ‘you only live once, do dumb things’, I am however saying live wisely. Live peacefully.
Today, like most, I spent the day shooting. We were set to have Easter dinner at my dads around six.
I knew it would be different than most dinners as Nick wouldn’t be able to join due to work. I was bummed, but didn’t realize how much until I took him leftovers at work. Durrty, thank you for being my best friend, biggest rock & protecting me. I love you!
Every time you say something to me that has hurt you in the past, I try and promise you something better. Something fun for you to look forward to. I can’t make guarantees but I can give you my word.
My word can be proven or disproven in the future.
This photo reminds me of my childhood. The reason I’m drawn to train tracks. My grandma lived next to tracks. She made everything better. So sensible. A strong, loving, caring & beautiful woman.
I feel a sense of freedom. Standing there looking into the endless existence.
This particular track is about 12 stories above a lake. 90 years old. Solid. How was something so complex built so long ago.
It amazes me how we are where we are from where we’ve come.
Today was a fantastic day! Some great conversation, willingness, friendship & country roads. Lots of country roads <3!